after a year of rewarding yet grueling milk expression at work, i finally decided to call it quits and stop pumping breast milk. it’s been a fulfilling and wonderful journey that i was able to exclusively breastfeed my baby for his first year but i have to admit that there are also days that it gets stressful especially when i am unable to meet my daily quota of two breast milk bags per day. since coming back to work from my maternity leave 6 months ago, i always bring 10-12 oz. of breast milk at home. i never feel that expressing milk is a burden because it’s been my personal goal to breastfeed my baby ever since. it’s part of my daily routine and a part of me that i share to my son whenever we are apart from each other.
i remember the last day when i went to the day-care and left the last two bags of breast milk in the fridge, i informed the teachers that i’m going to switch from breast milk to bottled milk. the teachers asked me, “oh that’s great! are you excited?” honestly, i feel heartbroken for the decision but then expressing takes so much of my time and no longer working especially in my current workload. i had the slightest separation anxiety when i brought the can of milk at school. but then at the back of my mind, i also know that my son needs to be well fed and i will also feel guilty if he only drinks a measly amount of milk everyday. he’s getting more and more active everyday so i think he will easily get hungry anytime in school.
to cut the story short, bubs is now mixed-fed. it was a difficult decision but the time has come and i had to let go. i can still remember the first few days of my breastfeeding journey and i am so thankful to my midwife for pushing me and supporting me to continue the journey despite the sore and cracked nipples. i almost gave up that time because i’m not confident with my milk supply and even bought a can of S-26 at home. i was able to establish my supply of milk, though not as abundant as the other mom’s i know, at least i know that that’s enough for what my baby needs.
in the future that baby # 2 comes along the way, i will definitely go back to breastfeeding. it’s something personal to me which i will keep in my heart forever.