it dawned on me that after three years of staying here in new zealand, i still don’t have many friends. i don’t have kiwi friends, work friends nor hobby friends.
when i first arrived here three years ago after accepting a job offer, it would have been a great opportunity for me to socialize and make friends with people at work. it was a diverse working environment and we are a mix of different nationalities coming from china, india, russia and philippines. i left that job during my maternity leave and now i realize,”how come i never made friends to anyone of them?“. they are not in my facebook nor i heard from them since i filed my resignation. i just disappeared in that workplace not leaving any mark nor gained any friends.
currently, i’m deployed to a client working on a project having a multicultural team. in a week’s time, i’m ending this project too and will be deployed to another client again. then same question, “how come i never made friends to anyone of them?” oh wait, one of them added me in facebook recently.
why is it so hard to make friends when you’re older? i’m starting to feel like this ever since i moved here in new zealand. well actually, i still talk to people at work but it never came to a point that i met somebody whom i can call as a ‘true friend’, the confidante type whom i can share almost anything and treat him/her as my ‘best friend’. as much as i hate to admit it, it’s not you…it’s me.
i realize i’m not trusting enough. i suddenly felt cautious in sharing my life especially to someone whom i just met. i feel that the world is small and i don’t like joining gatherings like pinoy communities or any get together because gossiping is not my cup of tea and i don’t find any value in talking about someone behind their back.
it could probably, my values changed. my priorities change as well. i don’t have the time to make chika as i used to. after doing my eight-hour job, i’m so exhausted and yet i have a kid to look after. by the time i finished doing most of the chores, i’m dead tired and i just want to sleep.
at this point, i just want to keep the few friends that i have. they are few, less than the number of fingers in my hands. what happened to the old, social butterfly me? why did the antisocial meter shot up to its maximum? why all of a sudden i became uninterested with people? why do i like deleting people in my facebook list? how come i don’t add the people i know and just ignore the ‘add friend’ button? why did i become so elusive?