few weeks ago, i talked to my husband and told him that i’m contemplating of leaving the IT industry for good. up to this day, working for almost 10 years now, i still haven’t found my passion for this industry and more of like a survival thing every day. you go to work, sitting for 8 hours and finishing your task, waiting for the clock so you can grab your belongings and heading out to the nearest door. it was like that for 10 years. fortunately, i was able to find good employers and also passed certification exams required for my career. but deep into my core, i feel empty and want something more meaningful.
i was thinking of switching to another job, perhaps after i get my citizenship here. guess what? i’m thinking of joining the police force, be a constable and climbing my way to the top so i can be a dog handler inside the airport or chasing robbers in the street. bad ass!
what makes me stay in my current job and industry is that it’s financially rewarding and we are planning to build a house soon, so every dollar counts. also, one of the basic requirements in joining the police force is that i should be at least holding a restricted driving license. i’m just on my learners! but we will get there soon. 😉
sick and tired of sitting at work, just makes my hips bigger and me fatter. so i want something challenging, exciting and touching people’s lives (mehganoun) so yeah, keeping my fingers, legs and toes crossed that i will become a constable officer in the near future. taray nu teh!
my top three things to do…which are in my to-do list for as long as i can remember are:
choosing photos for our wedding album. we are almost near our 2nd year church wedding anniversary and we haven’t selected the photos yet for our wedding album because the thought of looking at the hundreds of photos makes me us feel very lazy.
thorough scrubbing of the toilet particularly the bowl and the floor because i don’t have the courage to interact with the invisible germs. i just can’t.
studying for advance test analyst certification because apart from completing the agile examination few weeks ago, i also don’t like the voice of the speaker in the online course i’m listening to, which to me sounded like a guy selling a product in a home tv shopping channel.
looking at my facebook news feed, seeing humble braggers how ‘blessed’ they are, their showbiz like minute to minute…hourly updates of sickening nonsense. most of the time, i really want to quit facebook but then it’s one way of communicating with my family. there was one time i temporarily deactivated my facebook and my father asked me questions and made a big deal out of it. since i’m not into lengthy discussions, i stopped doing it. but yeah, i just miss hearing updates from my long-lost true friends. they are not very active in social media kinda missing them more. i’m very bored to see the same persons with verbal diarrhea and at the back of my mind, “don’t you have a life?”
“sure, you turned out pretty good, but is there anything you wish had been different about your childhood? if you have kids, is there anything you wish were different for them?”
if there’s anything i would like to change about my childhood, that is i should have attended summer classes or boot camps to learn new skills which is something i can be proud of. now, i don’t have any talents to share with others which is kinda frustrating. i don’t feel there’s anything special about me. i can’t play an instrument, cannot sing nor dance and does not play any sport. my vivid memory of my childhood summer is playing outside or watching cartoons at home. i know it isn’t too late to learn something new but then i also realize that the older you are, the more scared you are to try new things. learning at a young age is the best time because there’s the sense of adventure in trying out new things.
i have lots of dreams for my baby boy. i often ask my husband the question “what are your dreams for baby?” and he said that he don’t have any special dreams for him. but for me, i’ve got lots of things in mind. sometimes, i want him to become a chef so he can cook yummy dishes for us. or he can be a professional at any extreme sports and redbull will sponsor him. hahaha! i want him to learn how to swim so he can enjoy going to the beach and swim with his friends in the open ocean, unlike me just sitting at the shore. and for his survival too. i want our children to be the better version of us. i have mixed emotions thinking that our kids will grow up and go to a university and leave us. but that’s life. there’s a big world out there waiting for him. like any loving parent, i’m always here to support him in whatever decision he will make.
i took this photo a year ago while on vacation at our home in manila. we have a small garden at home and was surprised to see that a nest was built on one of the shrubs. i was more surprised to see that the secret eggs were finally hatched and there were new tiny birds inside. it feels surreal to see it up-close and within reach. i leave them in peace, i was scared that the momma bird will attack me and peck on my face. haha! 🙂